The terror that is a pig wearing a hoodie

Another mean prank pulled to scare somebody. (Not safe for work, given that surprises are known to elicit exclamations of indelicate language.)

That might have been inspired by the following clip, in which a guy who hadn’t seen his father in person for six years decided to surprise him. Apparently he succeeded. On the YouTube page he explains that his father had long assured him that nothing could scare him, neglecting to add, “Except of course for pigs wearing hoodies.” But really, that probably goes without saying.

Here’s a true story:

When I was in my teens I went to visit a friend, arriving just as he was opening the door to go somewhere himself. It was a very dark night and he wasn’t looking in my direction, so I quickly sat down in a porch chair and waited for him to walk past me, entirely unaware of my presence. Then I stood up, put my hand on his shoulder, and said in a voice that was as deep and full of quiet horrifying menace as I could make it, something like “Aughhhhhhhh.”

He stopped, turned around, stared at me until he could make out my features, and said, “Oh, hi, Gary.”

Well, sports fans, my flabber was entirely gasted. I mean, he always wanted to act like Mr. Cool, but this performance seriously impressed me. In his place I’d have screamed like a little girl and not been the least bit ashamed afterward. Before I could stop myself, I told him all this.

He looked modest and slightly embarrassed and said, “Well, you say such nice things about me, I can’t lie to you. I learned something tonight. I learned that when something scares the hell out of you, you jump and scream. But when you encounter a terror so profound that you know that the end has come and there is no possible hope left in the world, you just give up, and all you want to do is see what it is that’s going to do it.”

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments are moderated, which can take up to a day (rarely even two), so please be patient. I welcome agreement, disagreement, and corrections on anything from substance to spelling. I try to weed out spam and anything defamatory or pointlessly insulting (to anybody), unless of course I think it's really funny.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.