NBC’s Saturday Night Live often parodies the Fox News morning program Fox and Friends, and a routine feature is a rapid crawl of corrections to things supposedly said previously on the show. A few examples I particularly liked:
- At no time did our military fight a war against Cobra.
- The “T” in BLT does not stand for “terrorism.”
- Meteors are not coming to take your guns.
- Zero Dark Thirty is not a diet soda.
- The Vatican is not accessible through a wardrobe.
- Food stamps are not used to mail food.
- Armadillo is not Spanish for “arms dealer.”
- Navy Seals are not actual seals with laser beams on their heads.
- At no time did the passengers on the Carnival Cruise ship become zombies.
- Beyonce cannot hypnotize animals.
- Marco Rubio did not bring pasta back from China.
- The Staten Island Ferry will not give you money for teeth.
- The tie goes to the runner.
- Polar bears are rarely “asking for it.”
- Kobe beef is not meat from the flesh of Kobe Bryant.
- Kate Upton is not dating a glacier.
- God does not sneeze electricity.
- The similar names of the North Dakota and South Dakota are not a coincidence.
- Transitions lenses do not reverse the gender of your eyes.
- Sandy Duncan did not “sponsor” the hurricane.
- Not all pigs are born with human feet.
- Angela Merkel is not the female version of Steve Urkel.
- Chef Boyardee is not the Prime Minister of Italy. He is the Vice President.
- The Statue of Liberty was not a gift from Santa.
- At no point has Dorf been the number one golfer in the world.
- Lance Armstrong did not trade a testicle for steroids.
- Apple Maps is not a map showing where the apples are.
- Chef Boyardee is not the Vice President of Italy.
- The Bible was not a movie first.
- Vaginas don’t look like that.
- Ron Paul is one person.
- Not all cats are gay.
- The Atlanta Hawks are a team, not an infestation.
- A wind turbine has never cut off the head of a pretty girl in a convertible.
- The Tasmanian Devil is not the president of Tasmania.
- Lobsters are not “ocean spiders.”
- Cat Fancy is a magazine, not a man/cat dating website.
- “F” is not a blood type.
- LIBOR is not a giant praying mantis.
- Old Navy is not one of the armed forces.
- Crabs don’t breastfeed.
- Al-Jazeera is not the co-host of “Tool Time.”
- Rocky never fought Lassie.
- President Barack Obama does not plan to take the “forwarding” option away from email.
- Mormons breathe air.
- Children raised by same-sex couples are not statistically more likely to let the American flag touch the ground.
- There is no federal program called “Cash for Bees.”
- The Watergate is a hotel in Washington D.C., not a portal to an undersea kingdom.
- Baseball is a land sport.
- The second president of the United States was John Quincy Adams, not Sam Adams Summer Ale. [To save your pointing it out, John Quincy Adams was the sixth president. It was his father, John Adams, who was the second. Then again, a correction that’s itself wrong could be part of the joke (as with the Chef Boyardee thing above). -DGG]
- A movie and a motion picture are the same thing.
- America is not currently under a “Level 9 Liberty Alert.” There is no such thing as a “Level 9 Liberty Alert.”
- Nancy Pelosi did not appear on an episode of River Monsters.
- Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads is a living human being, not the ghost of a Civil War widow.
The full list of corrections from several episodes can be found on the NBC website:
From October 2011.