Saturday Night Live’s hilarious “Fox and Friends” corrections

NBC’s Saturday Night Live often parodies the Fox News morning program Fox and Friends, and a routine feature is a rapid crawl of corrections to things supposedly said previously on the show. A few examples I particularly liked:

At no time did our military fight a war against Cobra.
The “T” in BLT does not stand for “terrorism.”
Meteors are not coming to take your guns.
Zero Dark Thirty is not a diet soda.
The Vatican is not accessible through a wardrobe.
Food stamps are not used to mail food.
Armadillo is not Spanish for “arms dealer.”
Navy Seals are not actual seals with laser beams on their heads.
At no time did the passengers on the Carnival Cruise ship become zombies.
Beyonce cannot hypnotize animals.
Marco Rubio did not bring pasta back from China.
The Staten Island Ferry will not give you money for teeth.
The tie goes to the runner.
Polar bears are rarely “asking for it.”
Kobe beef is not meat from the flesh of Kobe Bryant.
Kate Upton is not dating a glacier.
God does not sneeze electricity.
The similar names of the North Dakota and South Dakota are not a coincidence.
Transitions lenses do not reverse the gender of your eyes.
Sandy Duncan did not “sponsor” the hurricane.
Not all pigs are born with human feet.
Angela Merkel is not the female version of Steve Urkel.
Chef Boyardee is not the Prime Minister of Italy. He is the Vice President.
The Statue of Liberty was not a gift from Santa.
At no point has Dorf been the number one golfer in the world.
Lance Armstrong did not trade a testicle for steroids.
Apple Maps is not a map showing where the apples are.
Chef Boyardee is not the Vice President of Italy.
The Bible was not a movie first.
Vaginas don’t look like that.
Ron Paul is one person.
Not all cats are gay.
The Atlanta Hawks are a team, not an infestation.
A wind turbine has never cut off the head of a pretty girl in a convertible.
The Tasmanian Devil is not the president of Tasmania.
Lobsters are not “ocean spiders.”
Cat Fancy is a magazine, not a man/cat dating website.
“F” is not a blood type.
LIBOR is not a giant praying mantis.
Old Navy is not one of the armed forces.
Crabs don’t breastfeed.
Al-Jazeera is not the co-host of “Tool Time.”
Rocky never fought Lassie.
President Barack Obama does not plan to take the “forwarding” option away from email.
Mormons breathe air.
Children raised by same-sex couples are not statistically more likely to let the American flag touch the ground.
There is no federal program called “Cash for Bees.”
The Watergate is a hotel in Washington D.C., not a portal to an undersea kingdom.
Baseball is a land sport.
The second president of the United States was John Quincy Adams, not Sam Adams Summer Ale. [To save your pointing it out, John Quincy Adams was the sixth president. It was his father, John Adams, who was the second. Then again, a correction that’s itself wrong could be part of the joke (as with the Chef Boyardee thing above). -DGG]
A movie and a motion picture are the same thing.
America is not currently under a “Level 9 Liberty Alert.” There is no such thing as a “Level 9 Liberty Alert.”
Nancy Pelosi did not appear on an episode of River Monsters.
Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads is a living human being, not the ghost of a Civil War widow.