Safekeeping monkey

A notice in English from a Japanese hotel.

The first item begins "Valuables -- I become an each person safekeeping bottom monkey..."

(My usual disclaimer on this sort of thing: I'm not making fun of whoever produced this notice. Using a foreign language is not easy and full of pitfalls, and if I tried to write something in Japanese, even after years of study, I'd probably do far worse, and it wouldn't bother me if it gave somebody a laugh.)

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Comments are moderated, which can take up to a day (rarely even two), so please be patient. I welcome agreement, disagreement, and corrections on anything from substance to spelling. I try to weed out spam and anything defamatory or pointlessly insulting (to anybody), unless of course I think it's really funny.