Saturday Night Live's hilarious "Fox and Friends" corrections

NBC's Saturday Night Live often parodies the Fox News morning program Fox and Friends, and a routine feature is a rapid crawl of corrections to things supposedly said previously on the show. A few examples I particularly liked:

  • At no time did our military fight a war against Cobra.
  • The "T" in BLT does not stand for "terrorism."
  • Meteors are not coming to take your guns.
  • Zero Dark Thirty is not a diet soda.
  • The Vatican is not accessible through a wardrobe.
  • Food stamps are not used to mail food.
  • Armadillo is not Spanish for "arms dealer."
  • Navy Seals are not actual seals with laser beams on their heads.
  • At no time did the passengers on the Carnival Cruise ship become zombies.
  • Beyonce cannot hypnotize animals.
  • Marco Rubio did not bring pasta back from China.
  • The Staten Island Ferry will not give you money for teeth.
  • The tie goes to the runner.
  • Polar bears are rarely "asking for it."
  • Kobe beef is not meat from the flesh of Kobe Bryant.
  • Kate Upton is not dating a glacier.
  • God does not sneeze electricity.
  • The similar names of the North Dakota and South Dakota are not a coincidence.
  • Transitions lenses do not reverse the gender of your eyes.
  • Sandy Duncan did not "sponsor" the hurricane.
  • Not all pigs are born with human feet.
  • Angela Merkel is not the female version of Steve Urkel.
  • Chef Boyardee is not the Prime Minister of Italy. He is the Vice President.
  • The Statue of Liberty was not a gift from Santa.
  • At no point has Dorf been the number one golfer in the world.
  • Lance Armstrong did not trade a testicle for steroids.
  • Apple Maps is not a map showing where the apples are.
  • Chef Boyardee is not the Vice President of Italy.
  • The Bible was not a movie first.
  • Vaginas don't look like that.
  • Ron Paul is one person.
  • Not all cats are gay.
  • The Atlanta Hawks are a team, not an infestation.
  • A wind turbine has never cut off the head of a pretty girl in a convertible.
  • The Tasmanian Devil is not the president of Tasmania.
  • Lobsters are not "ocean spiders."
  • Cat Fancy is a magazine, not a man/cat dating website.
  • "F" is not a blood type.
  • LIBOR is not a giant praying mantis.
  • Old Navy is not one of the armed forces.
  • Crabs don't breastfeed.
  • Al-Jazeera is not the co-host of "Tool Time."
  • Rocky never fought Lassie.
  • President Barack Obama does not plan to take the "forwarding" option away from email.
  • Mormons breathe air.
  • Children raised by same-sex couples are not statistically more likely to let the American flag touch the ground.
  • There is no federal program called "Cash for Bees."
  • The Watergate is a hotel in Washington D.C., not a portal to an undersea kingdom.
  • Baseball is a land sport.
  • The second president of the United States was John Quincy Adams, not Sam Adams Summer Ale. [To save your pointing it out, John Quincy Adams was the sixth president. It was his father, John Adams, who was the second. Then again, a correction that's itself wrong could be part of the joke (as with the Chef Boyardee thing above). -DGG]
  • A movie and a motion picture are the same thing.
  • America is not currently under a "Level 9 Liberty Alert." There is no such thing as a "Level 9 Liberty Alert."
  • Nancy Pelosi did not appear on an episode of River Monsters.
  • Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads is a living human being, not the ghost of a Civil War widow.

The full list of corrections from several episodes can be found on the NBC website:

From February.

From November.

From September.

From May.

From October 2011.

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Comments are moderated, which can take up to a day (rarely even two), so please be patient. I welcome agreement, disagreement, and corrections on anything from substance to spelling. I try to weed out spam and anything defamatory or pointlessly insulting (to anybody), unless of course I think it's really funny.